For the Sake of Venting Your Mind

I was a moment ago, writing by the hundreds of words worth nothing in fact.

Much like this whole blog idea, truth is, it is more like a way to let out the process of thought that keeps clogging the creative process.

You know, I'm keen to doing all kind of endeavors online and offline and as you may have guessed, online is by far my most preferred .

As the time of writing I'm watching the markets come and go, yes also an amateur intraday trader with too much of a passion and to little of success in such field.

However never discouraged.

Now, going back to whatever I was rambling about, let me tell you, I got really tired of writing tirelessly ( I actually got tired ) by handwriting all this lyrical barf.

So I just started to let it go here, where no one in their right mind would read it, first because google is not interested in personal blogs about nothing now a days, and second, I may not be really all that willing to let people peek inside my head just now.

Although if that was completely true, this wouldn't be written on the internet anyways, and would be kept safe on my notebook above my desk as always I guess.

Overcoming the Feeling of Uselessness by Realizing Unimportantness

You know what piece of advice our freshly new boss told us yesterday?

You're not invaluable... Even myself.

Shocking, well not really, you already know you're just a number and an asset in a company.

No body gives a flying f*ck about your well being more than yourself.

I know there are caring bosses and companies, but at the end, when you're no longer a valuable asset to them or a better one pops out, you're basically disposable.

I'm also thinking you could've thought I was going to give you some self improvement advice on how you can realize how "important" you are to yourself but I'm not.

If you feel somehow lost or that you feel you need to find yourself again, then there is no advice for you here.

I do believe however, that by realizing how useless that feeling is, and how your mere existence could not really make a great impact on the course of human kind then you could set yourself free of the suffering of your thoughts.

That's unimportant, your feeling about yourself are unimportant.

Why should you feel useless if the feeling of usefulness is unimportant?

Letting go of one's perception is detachment of the mind from the suffering of one's thought about one's self.

Or is it just me?

Erratic and Disperse Attention For a Day... or Life?

You know, it's been hard to keep focused on one thing or the other.

I just came here to write this post out of that feeling of disperse attention.

Like I'm a dog whose attention has been captivated by a squirrel, much the times I write in this blog is because of that reason.

Just keep jumping from one task to the other, without giving it much of my attention to any one.

At one second I'm writing on the finance blog and the next on this one (which is more like daily nonsense log).

In any case, a couple hours earlier I was purchasing items for an art project I've been thinking about, I'm the kind of guy who could paint or draw for days at a time on a single project if my attention span can  take it that long.

Not happening ultimately.

But I know it's temporary, it has always been.

But may be that's the reason I keep starting newer and newer projects.

Thank the heavens I stick with the majors, like my day job and family.

I guess...

Hours Pass by Without Spiritual Goals Being Accomplished

You ever watch the watch going from twelve to twelve and wonder yourself how the went so fast?

Happens to me more than once, hard to know how.

Funny I haven't found my balance and even as I work too many hours now I feel I make no difference, as if any day is becoming increasingly meaningless.

Without direction, without a goal.

Because I don't have one... or so I believe.

May be I just work out of mechanical brain cell memory, with thoughts, pre-programmed and running in a predefined way.

Unfulfilling? May be, bored? No.

Frustration as The Result of Expectations

Disappointment is the resulting feeling of expectations.

Kind of felt the need to spit that one out after the frustration of having passive unworried coworkers who somehow believe this business floats by itself without any body doing anything.

If only they understood.

If only I understood it is my own mind who suffers for other people's actions and the way I feel has nothing to do with them.

He who doesn't expect anything, has achieved everything.

Hello, Is Anybody There?

As I texted my special someone once and twice.

Hi

Is all I said but dealt with no response...

For hours and days at once sometimes it went.

Once being the owner of a great being's heart, now begging the heavens not to lose her favor again.

Not pushing, not pressing, still playing the hide and seek way with her.

So conscious of the damage done by my past self.

When Living Was all About Being Alive

And not about wealth, recognition or pride.

Are those days gone?

As we grow and move forward as humanity in its seek for dominion it seems stranger and stranger to be connected to one another.

And ourselves.

I remember myself being so much more preoccupied in the pas or better yet, occupied with being happy.

Sitting the way I'm doing now on a lotus position was all about being present.

In the moment, as time loses momentum or meaning and as existence simply becomes just being.

Then you commit spiritual suicides and devote more of your self to getting more and more material gain from this just-passing-by existence.

I had a sentimental partner once truly wise and loving sharing those moments out of reality with me.

Then I made her go away as I immersed in myself.

I lost her.

And after 5 years, I found her again...

Then I'm here writing nonsense thinking about that beautiful soul while I wait for her return.

Trying to worry less and less for the surrounding world and more and more for my deepening mind.

Still thinking I won't let myself suicide again.